anonymous
12-08-2007, 09:25 PM
How to get laid – by Ashley Judd
Disclaimer: Ashley Judd did NOT write this story. This is not a true story.
Hi, ya’ll, Ashley Judd here. I’ve been glancing over some of the stories at Fan Fiction, and quite frankly I thought you guys could use some advice as to how to get laid. Let’s face it: getting a beautiful woman, let alone a celebrity, to sleep with you, generally isn’t easy. But I’m here to tell you that it definitely can be done. Heck, you don’t even have to be particularly good looking or have an incredible body. You don’t have to be rich either; you just have to create a situation and then play your cards right. There was one particular instance where a thoroughly average guy managed to have his way with me real good, and I think you guys can learn a thing or two from him.
I met this guy nine years ago, when my first movie, Ruby in Paradise, had just opened. Nobody knew who I was, and I was obliged to go around to all of these movie premieres. Some charity organization called me and asked me to go to a local premiere with somebody who had won a “date with a celebrity” contest, so I said sure. At that point I certainly wasn’t’ a celebrity, but it felt good to be called one. I thought he would just accompany me to the premiere, and afterwards I would say good night and that would be it.
Rule # 1: Try to go after celebrities either before they hit it big, or when they are no longer in their prime.
Look guys, forget about going after A-list stars, they live in a secluded, guarded world and are generally inaccessible to the public. But there are PLENTY of actresses who haven’t yet hit it big, or who are past their prime. They still look gorgeous, and can be quite glamorous, but they don’t have the huge egos that the genuine celebrities have. This blond guy who was to be my date knocked on my modest LA apartment and introduced himself. He apparently took a taxi to my place. He wasn’t gorgeous; all in all I guess I’d describe him as cute. Since he arrived early, I invited him in to chat. I told him that this was my first movie, and that it was an independent film. He told me that I had the “aura” of a movie star, and that it was inevitable that I would succeed in Hollywood.
Rule #2: High praise will get you EVERYWHERE
Hollywood is so ruthlessly competitive that aspiring actresses are told incessantly how they will fail. Women in particular tend to see themselves as a collection of faults, too old, to fat, etc. They are told that they are idiots to even try to succeed as an actress by family, friends, heck even coworkers and agents. So when a guy comes along and tells her that her success is inevitable, she just eats it up. I did. The guy went on for several minutes talking about all of the “movie star” traits I had. He was probably bullshitting me (but then again I did become a movie star, didn’t I?) but his incessant praise was like an emotional full-body massage. It made me feel invigorated, tingly, relaxed yet excited. This man definitely started to look more appealing than when I first met him. After about an hour of chatting, mostly him telling me how beautiful, charming, etc. I was, it was time to get going to the premiere. We climbed into the limo that the film company provided and continued chatting. He was dressed in a Tux and I was in a silver evening dress. We soon arrived at the movie premiere and went in. We sat down (he was on my left) and the lights went down.
Aspiring actresses go to movie premieres all the time – it is practically a requirement for any aspiring actress. When you star in a movie, you learn to dread premieres. It’s fun the first couple of times you see yourself on the big screen, but after I’d been to five premieres of Ruby in Paradise, I was thoroughly bored with the movie. My date seemed to sense this, because soon after the movie began he began getting seriously frisky.
Rule #3: Take full advantage of a movie theater
Movie theaters are great places for you guys to make moves for all of the obvious reasons. Movie premieres are even better. The actresses are bored to tears at seeing the SAME movie over and over again. So any stimulation is welcome. At first he tried to be subtle. He held my hand. Then he put his right arm around me and began caressing my bare shoulders. His right hand then slowly reached down under my gown strap. His movements became increasingly bold. I wasn’t wearing any bra, so he had his hand right on my right tit.
Rule #4: The way to a woman’s pussy is through her tits
Most women have very sensitive breasts, and most guys fail to take the proper amount of time to give them stimulation. This guy didn’t make that mistake. As you men know, my boobs aren’t that big, but they are plenty sensitive. He started caressing my tit with his thumb and forefinger. I was considering slapping him, but the fact was what he was doing felt REAL good. After several minutes of his ministrations he moved his hand to my left tit. He started massaging that one the same way. He wasn’t really positioned to do any more, so he just kept holding them and caressing them. At that point I was still thinking, “okay, this guy’s had an opportunity to feel me up, but after this movie is over I’ll take him home and that will be that.” Little did I know that the evening was just beginning. After the movie was over I found out that there was no after-movie party; the cheap bastards who produced the movie and who paid to have this premiere decided to forego the expense of a party. So we went straight home.
When the limo reached my apartment, I thanked my date for a wonderful evening and told him that I was feeling tired, so I was going to call it a night. He replied that he was missing a ring of his, and that he must have left it in my apartment.
Rule#5: Plan some excuse beforehand so you can get back into her apartment
“Smart guy”, I thought to myself “he’s just gotten himself into my apartment”. I had to admit that this guy was crafty and resourceful – he had no doubt taken off and hidden his ring after he first arrived, so that he could have a ready made excuse to come in later on in the evening. After all, I had no idea what his ring looked like. I invited him in to look for it, what else could I do? He told me that he didn’t want to waste too much of the limo drivers time and that he was therefore obligated to tell the limo driver not to wait. After all, he didn’t know how long it would take to find his ring (sneaky bastard). When we went in, I asked him which rooms in my apartment he had been in. He told me that he had been in the living room, bathroom, and bedroom. Bedroom? Yes, he confessed, he had gone to the bathroom shortly after he arrived and decided to take a “peek” into my bedroom. “Well” I thought to myself, “this guy has now finagled his way into my bedroom.” There was a patio right outside my bedroom that overlooks the valley. It is a beautiful view, and I often would just sit out there to enjoy the view and ponder things. I went outside and leaned against the railing, wondering how I should handle the situation. Maybe the guy would find his ring and then leave? Yeah right. But I had to admit that this guy had played his cards quite adeptly, I admired that. He and I knew that I was never going to see this guy again after tonight, and he was acting accordingly.
I drank in the warm night air and watched the mesmerizing sight of thousands of twinkling lights below me. “I’ve found it!” I heard him say. He was right behind me. As he said it, he put his arms around my waist and drew himself close to me. I could feel his bulging erection. Damn, this guy was hung!
Rule#6: If you have the equipment, let her know it.
I know that women are always talking about how size doesn’t matter. Bullshit. Women say that because they are always frightened that the guy they are talking to has a tiny mouse-like wiener and will take offense. But the fact of the matter is that most women are curious as hell as to what it is like to have a massive appendage fill them up. Look, do women masturbate with pickles or with cucumbers? I rest my case. The mistake many guys make is to imply, or even worse, to state that they are well endowed. This generally offends women and quite frankly reeks of low class. The trick is to have a woman FEEL your manhood in a way that is not too obvious. By sneaking up behind me, he had positioned himself to feel me up again, and to let me know in no uncertain terms that he was a real big man.
“Great” I responded, and began rambling on about what a beautiful night it was, what a beautiful view it was, etc. I knew he wasn’t paying any attention. He had unzipped my back zipper so deftly that I hadn’t even noticed. He moved his hands onto my tits again, and began massaging them, kneading them like they were dough. My mind was racing as to how to proceed: I certainly hadn’t planned on this happening, and this guy was no hunk, but damn his ministrations felt good! “You seem to like my tits,” I said, given the fact that he was no longer the least bit subtle in his groping. He responded by kissing my bare shoulders and neck. Unlike at the movie, we weren’t sitting down now so he had better access to my privates. He began slowly moving his hand down my body, while he fondled me with he left hand. I was still staring out into the valley, finding no convenient way to move. His right hand made it’s way until it was right above my panties. He hesitated for a moment, caressing my belly, and then plunged into my bush.
I know that some of you guys like women with shaved bushes but I’ve never shaved mine and I’m sure as shit not about to start. In fact, I’m convinced that the whole shaving phenomenon got started simply because waxing salons wanted more business. A number of women have politely suggested that I have a wax treatment “down there” but I just respond with cold stares. In my eyes they’re just conformists. I have a full, thick, hairy bush and I’m proud of it. It’s part of my womanhood. Heck I don’t even shave my armpits. “What a lovely bush you have!” He said, running his fingers through my lush pubic hair. Okay, he won some points for that comment. His ran his fingers through my hairs until he reached my clit. He began lovingly stroking it, to my obvious pleasure. While he was doing this he was rubbing his dick up against my rear. I thought about my dress; it was an expensive silk number and I didn’t want him getting jism all over it. “If you’ll stop dry humping me for a sec I’m going to take this thing off.” I said. He grinned – he knew he was going to get laid.
We walked back into my bedroom and I carefully removed my dress. I wasn’t wearing a bra, only panties. He walked in behind me, with an obvious bulge between his legs. “Allright, hon, let’s see that monster of yours” I said, curious as to how big it actually was. He quickly removed his clothes and stood before me, with an eight-inch member that was easily the biggest cock I’d ever seen. “Damn!” I said, staring at it. He went over to kiss me, and to cup my breasts. As he caressed my mamaries, I stroked his dick, which was at full attention. He started moaning, and told me that he wanted to give me a facial. I replied that I’d just had a facial at a spa the week before, and he laughed. He laid me down on my bed and straddled me so that I couldn’t see much besides his manhood. He put my hands on his dick and started stroking. I could feel him getting even bigger, and his moans were getting louder. “Uh oh” I thought “He better move or…” The first blast of semen splattered on my chin and lips. It was followed by half a dozen more squirts of thick, creamy jism that coated my cheeks, lips, mouth, chin, and nose with cum. It was the first time that a guy had ever cum on my face. I smiled –so THAT is what he meant by a facial. I stared at him with an embarrassed smile “That was impressive.” I said, amazed that he had been able to pump out such a massive torrent of sperm.
He then went down on me and ate me out. I had my legs wrapped around him and I loved it – he gave me a real tongue-lashing. After a few minutes of his licking and sucking I was groaning and saying “Oh yeah man, suck my pussy, suck it hard….such a big man….can taste your cum in my mouth…….turn around hun, Ashley’s got a gift for you.” I moved him off me and told him to lie down on the bed. Then I straddled him, and started stroking myself off with my fingers. You see, I am a squirter, when I cum hard I can shoot my juices several feet, and I wanted to reciprocate that nice gift that he had just plastered all over my face. “You like the way I look with your sperm running down my face don’t you? Your gonna find out what a heavy cummer I am, honey. ..gonna cum all over your face…..oh yeah baby here it comes!” I yelled, stroking myself furiously. I’m proud to say that I let loose with a series of spurts that drenched him but good. My ejaculatory juices weren’t as thick as his jism but I guarantee you he felt it and tasted it. I massaged my cum into his face with my fingers – seeing him there with my juices dribbling down his face – I swear to god that was the biggest turn on. I’m married now and I’ve wanted to ask my husband if I could give him a facial, but I’ve always been too embarrassed to ask. So that’s the only time I’ve cum on a guy’s face.
We rested for a few moments, and then he turned around and plunged his manhood into me. It was a good thing that I was so wet, because otherwise I don’t think he would have been able to get it in me. He began pounding me something fierce as I struggled to absorb his manhood. After a few moments his dick fit in my pussy like a well-worn glove. I started shouting obscenities at him – that’s what I do when I’m real turned on, and after a few minutes more of intense pounding he filled me with a massive load of baby-batter. I loved how he filled me up, how I could feel the warmth of his cum inside me. He spent the whole damn night having his way with me – I sucked him off (yes I swallowed – took me three gulps), he titie-fucked me (and came on my face AGAIN, the bastard) he fucked me up the ass real good (I’d never had that done before, but my husband loves to fuck me up the ass all the time now), then for the finale fucked my pussy real hard again and shot ANOTHER massive load deep inside me. Shit that guy was horny. He finished with me by morning (luckily I didn’t have anything I needed to do that day). I congratulated him on getting lucky, told him to be careful with that cock of his or he was going to get alot of women pregnant, and told him it was time to go. So there you have it, boys, you can get laid with actresses (sometimes even celebrities!) if you play your cards right, take full advantage of the opportunities that come along, and take the initiative. Just follow my advice. Good luck, guys.
by Sbranto
Disclaimer: Ashley Judd did NOT write this story. This is not a true story.
Hi, ya’ll, Ashley Judd here. I’ve been glancing over some of the stories at Fan Fiction, and quite frankly I thought you guys could use some advice as to how to get laid. Let’s face it: getting a beautiful woman, let alone a celebrity, to sleep with you, generally isn’t easy. But I’m here to tell you that it definitely can be done. Heck, you don’t even have to be particularly good looking or have an incredible body. You don’t have to be rich either; you just have to create a situation and then play your cards right. There was one particular instance where a thoroughly average guy managed to have his way with me real good, and I think you guys can learn a thing or two from him.
I met this guy nine years ago, when my first movie, Ruby in Paradise, had just opened. Nobody knew who I was, and I was obliged to go around to all of these movie premieres. Some charity organization called me and asked me to go to a local premiere with somebody who had won a “date with a celebrity” contest, so I said sure. At that point I certainly wasn’t’ a celebrity, but it felt good to be called one. I thought he would just accompany me to the premiere, and afterwards I would say good night and that would be it.
Rule # 1: Try to go after celebrities either before they hit it big, or when they are no longer in their prime.
Look guys, forget about going after A-list stars, they live in a secluded, guarded world and are generally inaccessible to the public. But there are PLENTY of actresses who haven’t yet hit it big, or who are past their prime. They still look gorgeous, and can be quite glamorous, but they don’t have the huge egos that the genuine celebrities have. This blond guy who was to be my date knocked on my modest LA apartment and introduced himself. He apparently took a taxi to my place. He wasn’t gorgeous; all in all I guess I’d describe him as cute. Since he arrived early, I invited him in to chat. I told him that this was my first movie, and that it was an independent film. He told me that I had the “aura” of a movie star, and that it was inevitable that I would succeed in Hollywood.
Rule #2: High praise will get you EVERYWHERE
Hollywood is so ruthlessly competitive that aspiring actresses are told incessantly how they will fail. Women in particular tend to see themselves as a collection of faults, too old, to fat, etc. They are told that they are idiots to even try to succeed as an actress by family, friends, heck even coworkers and agents. So when a guy comes along and tells her that her success is inevitable, she just eats it up. I did. The guy went on for several minutes talking about all of the “movie star” traits I had. He was probably bullshitting me (but then again I did become a movie star, didn’t I?) but his incessant praise was like an emotional full-body massage. It made me feel invigorated, tingly, relaxed yet excited. This man definitely started to look more appealing than when I first met him. After about an hour of chatting, mostly him telling me how beautiful, charming, etc. I was, it was time to get going to the premiere. We climbed into the limo that the film company provided and continued chatting. He was dressed in a Tux and I was in a silver evening dress. We soon arrived at the movie premiere and went in. We sat down (he was on my left) and the lights went down.
Aspiring actresses go to movie premieres all the time – it is practically a requirement for any aspiring actress. When you star in a movie, you learn to dread premieres. It’s fun the first couple of times you see yourself on the big screen, but after I’d been to five premieres of Ruby in Paradise, I was thoroughly bored with the movie. My date seemed to sense this, because soon after the movie began he began getting seriously frisky.
Rule #3: Take full advantage of a movie theater
Movie theaters are great places for you guys to make moves for all of the obvious reasons. Movie premieres are even better. The actresses are bored to tears at seeing the SAME movie over and over again. So any stimulation is welcome. At first he tried to be subtle. He held my hand. Then he put his right arm around me and began caressing my bare shoulders. His right hand then slowly reached down under my gown strap. His movements became increasingly bold. I wasn’t wearing any bra, so he had his hand right on my right tit.
Rule #4: The way to a woman’s pussy is through her tits
Most women have very sensitive breasts, and most guys fail to take the proper amount of time to give them stimulation. This guy didn’t make that mistake. As you men know, my boobs aren’t that big, but they are plenty sensitive. He started caressing my tit with his thumb and forefinger. I was considering slapping him, but the fact was what he was doing felt REAL good. After several minutes of his ministrations he moved his hand to my left tit. He started massaging that one the same way. He wasn’t really positioned to do any more, so he just kept holding them and caressing them. At that point I was still thinking, “okay, this guy’s had an opportunity to feel me up, but after this movie is over I’ll take him home and that will be that.” Little did I know that the evening was just beginning. After the movie was over I found out that there was no after-movie party; the cheap bastards who produced the movie and who paid to have this premiere decided to forego the expense of a party. So we went straight home.
When the limo reached my apartment, I thanked my date for a wonderful evening and told him that I was feeling tired, so I was going to call it a night. He replied that he was missing a ring of his, and that he must have left it in my apartment.
Rule#5: Plan some excuse beforehand so you can get back into her apartment
“Smart guy”, I thought to myself “he’s just gotten himself into my apartment”. I had to admit that this guy was crafty and resourceful – he had no doubt taken off and hidden his ring after he first arrived, so that he could have a ready made excuse to come in later on in the evening. After all, I had no idea what his ring looked like. I invited him in to look for it, what else could I do? He told me that he didn’t want to waste too much of the limo drivers time and that he was therefore obligated to tell the limo driver not to wait. After all, he didn’t know how long it would take to find his ring (sneaky bastard). When we went in, I asked him which rooms in my apartment he had been in. He told me that he had been in the living room, bathroom, and bedroom. Bedroom? Yes, he confessed, he had gone to the bathroom shortly after he arrived and decided to take a “peek” into my bedroom. “Well” I thought to myself, “this guy has now finagled his way into my bedroom.” There was a patio right outside my bedroom that overlooks the valley. It is a beautiful view, and I often would just sit out there to enjoy the view and ponder things. I went outside and leaned against the railing, wondering how I should handle the situation. Maybe the guy would find his ring and then leave? Yeah right. But I had to admit that this guy had played his cards quite adeptly, I admired that. He and I knew that I was never going to see this guy again after tonight, and he was acting accordingly.
I drank in the warm night air and watched the mesmerizing sight of thousands of twinkling lights below me. “I’ve found it!” I heard him say. He was right behind me. As he said it, he put his arms around my waist and drew himself close to me. I could feel his bulging erection. Damn, this guy was hung!
Rule#6: If you have the equipment, let her know it.
I know that women are always talking about how size doesn’t matter. Bullshit. Women say that because they are always frightened that the guy they are talking to has a tiny mouse-like wiener and will take offense. But the fact of the matter is that most women are curious as hell as to what it is like to have a massive appendage fill them up. Look, do women masturbate with pickles or with cucumbers? I rest my case. The mistake many guys make is to imply, or even worse, to state that they are well endowed. This generally offends women and quite frankly reeks of low class. The trick is to have a woman FEEL your manhood in a way that is not too obvious. By sneaking up behind me, he had positioned himself to feel me up again, and to let me know in no uncertain terms that he was a real big man.
“Great” I responded, and began rambling on about what a beautiful night it was, what a beautiful view it was, etc. I knew he wasn’t paying any attention. He had unzipped my back zipper so deftly that I hadn’t even noticed. He moved his hands onto my tits again, and began massaging them, kneading them like they were dough. My mind was racing as to how to proceed: I certainly hadn’t planned on this happening, and this guy was no hunk, but damn his ministrations felt good! “You seem to like my tits,” I said, given the fact that he was no longer the least bit subtle in his groping. He responded by kissing my bare shoulders and neck. Unlike at the movie, we weren’t sitting down now so he had better access to my privates. He began slowly moving his hand down my body, while he fondled me with he left hand. I was still staring out into the valley, finding no convenient way to move. His right hand made it’s way until it was right above my panties. He hesitated for a moment, caressing my belly, and then plunged into my bush.
I know that some of you guys like women with shaved bushes but I’ve never shaved mine and I’m sure as shit not about to start. In fact, I’m convinced that the whole shaving phenomenon got started simply because waxing salons wanted more business. A number of women have politely suggested that I have a wax treatment “down there” but I just respond with cold stares. In my eyes they’re just conformists. I have a full, thick, hairy bush and I’m proud of it. It’s part of my womanhood. Heck I don’t even shave my armpits. “What a lovely bush you have!” He said, running his fingers through my lush pubic hair. Okay, he won some points for that comment. His ran his fingers through my hairs until he reached my clit. He began lovingly stroking it, to my obvious pleasure. While he was doing this he was rubbing his dick up against my rear. I thought about my dress; it was an expensive silk number and I didn’t want him getting jism all over it. “If you’ll stop dry humping me for a sec I’m going to take this thing off.” I said. He grinned – he knew he was going to get laid.
We walked back into my bedroom and I carefully removed my dress. I wasn’t wearing a bra, only panties. He walked in behind me, with an obvious bulge between his legs. “Allright, hon, let’s see that monster of yours” I said, curious as to how big it actually was. He quickly removed his clothes and stood before me, with an eight-inch member that was easily the biggest cock I’d ever seen. “Damn!” I said, staring at it. He went over to kiss me, and to cup my breasts. As he caressed my mamaries, I stroked his dick, which was at full attention. He started moaning, and told me that he wanted to give me a facial. I replied that I’d just had a facial at a spa the week before, and he laughed. He laid me down on my bed and straddled me so that I couldn’t see much besides his manhood. He put my hands on his dick and started stroking. I could feel him getting even bigger, and his moans were getting louder. “Uh oh” I thought “He better move or…” The first blast of semen splattered on my chin and lips. It was followed by half a dozen more squirts of thick, creamy jism that coated my cheeks, lips, mouth, chin, and nose with cum. It was the first time that a guy had ever cum on my face. I smiled –so THAT is what he meant by a facial. I stared at him with an embarrassed smile “That was impressive.” I said, amazed that he had been able to pump out such a massive torrent of sperm.
He then went down on me and ate me out. I had my legs wrapped around him and I loved it – he gave me a real tongue-lashing. After a few minutes of his licking and sucking I was groaning and saying “Oh yeah man, suck my pussy, suck it hard….such a big man….can taste your cum in my mouth…….turn around hun, Ashley’s got a gift for you.” I moved him off me and told him to lie down on the bed. Then I straddled him, and started stroking myself off with my fingers. You see, I am a squirter, when I cum hard I can shoot my juices several feet, and I wanted to reciprocate that nice gift that he had just plastered all over my face. “You like the way I look with your sperm running down my face don’t you? Your gonna find out what a heavy cummer I am, honey. ..gonna cum all over your face…..oh yeah baby here it comes!” I yelled, stroking myself furiously. I’m proud to say that I let loose with a series of spurts that drenched him but good. My ejaculatory juices weren’t as thick as his jism but I guarantee you he felt it and tasted it. I massaged my cum into his face with my fingers – seeing him there with my juices dribbling down his face – I swear to god that was the biggest turn on. I’m married now and I’ve wanted to ask my husband if I could give him a facial, but I’ve always been too embarrassed to ask. So that’s the only time I’ve cum on a guy’s face.
We rested for a few moments, and then he turned around and plunged his manhood into me. It was a good thing that I was so wet, because otherwise I don’t think he would have been able to get it in me. He began pounding me something fierce as I struggled to absorb his manhood. After a few moments his dick fit in my pussy like a well-worn glove. I started shouting obscenities at him – that’s what I do when I’m real turned on, and after a few minutes more of intense pounding he filled me with a massive load of baby-batter. I loved how he filled me up, how I could feel the warmth of his cum inside me. He spent the whole damn night having his way with me – I sucked him off (yes I swallowed – took me three gulps), he titie-fucked me (and came on my face AGAIN, the bastard) he fucked me up the ass real good (I’d never had that done before, but my husband loves to fuck me up the ass all the time now), then for the finale fucked my pussy real hard again and shot ANOTHER massive load deep inside me. Shit that guy was horny. He finished with me by morning (luckily I didn’t have anything I needed to do that day). I congratulated him on getting lucky, told him to be careful with that cock of his or he was going to get alot of women pregnant, and told him it was time to go. So there you have it, boys, you can get laid with actresses (sometimes even celebrities!) if you play your cards right, take full advantage of the opportunities that come along, and take the initiative. Just follow my advice. Good luck, guys.
by Sbranto